decided to apply at Ralph's a few days ago and I came along to support them spiritually and make sure they were in top minimum wage job application-filling shape. This all fell apart when I noticed the mobility scooter next to the application computer.
It all started innocently enough: I had just gotten from work that night--my legs ached terribly and I sought nothing from the scooter except a little relief from my pains. But just as Satan tainted Iscariot's heart when the bread of the Last Supper fell into his traitorous hands, so my heart was filled with a delinquent desire as soon as my buttocks fell into the inexplicably warm leather seat of the scooter. I rode off into the great unknown of Ralph's. Everything seemed so different; I'm used to walking around with a 6ft eye level, but while on the scooter I must have been at least a foot and a half shorter. It took all my willpower to keep the huge shit-eating grin off my face when I passed the other customers. It wasn't until I tried to parallel park the scooter in one of the isles that I lost it, the beeping sound emitted when I went in reverse made me laugh pretty hard. I wouldn't have been satisfied unless I completed a full circuit, even though it required me to scoot past the registers and the manager. She gently requested that I get off the scooter unless I needed it when I passed her, bringing my journey to an end.
It was decided that we should make up for my transgression by loitering in front of the store. We hadn't gotten 5 minutes of good loitering before a heavily tattooed man approached us and asked us if we were there Hey Mistering people. An employee happened to be walking by right then, and to everyone's delight he suggested that we were engaging in illegal activities, a statement which was not only original but also quite amusing.
My friend that first applied has finished at this point, and my other friend went inside. The tattooed man came out of the store and began to tell us about his life after a brief introduction: his four year incarceration and the riot during which he stabbed a child molester 26 times (I gave him the brofist when he told us this, though I regretted it when he told us the guy almost died) his fortieth birthday celebration, etc. My friend seemed a little uncomfortable with the dude and lied when he asked for our names and ages. I thought he was awwwright.
Shortly after the manager came out of the store and I wished her a good night. A guy was bumping Loveline on the parking lot when we left.
So
I'm 5 weeks into my summer and I've had relatively little excitement. I'm halfway through my financial goal; maybe a little ahead.
And as much as I enjoy dippin' my pudding pop in milk, I couldn't help but dip a little into horticulture (paperwork pending.)
I hope to have something a little more interesting to write about next time.
p.s.
MHFU rocks.
No comments:
Post a Comment